PIRELLI ：
(Bows and poses splendidly for a moment, in one hand an ornate razor, in the other a sinister-looking tooth-extractor, sings)
I am Adolfo Pirelli,
Da king of da barbers, da barber of kings,
E buon giorno, good day,
I blow you a kiss!
(He does)
And I, da so-famous Pirelli,
I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a da nerve-a to say
My elixir is piss!
Who says this?

TODD ：
I do.
(He holds up the bottle of elixir)
I am Mr. Sweeney Todd and I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir, and I say to you it is nothing but an arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink.

(MRS. LOVETT takes the bottle from TODD, sniffs it)

MRS. LOVETT ：
He's right. Phew!
Better to throw your money down the sewer.

(She tosses the bottle to the ground.
The onlookers "ooh" and "aah" with shocked excitement)

TOBIAS ：
(Beating agitatedly on the drum, shouting)
Ladies and gentlemen, pay no attention to that madman.
Who's to be the first for a magnificent shave?

TODD ：
(Breaking in)
And furthermore...
(Glaring at PIRELLI)
I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a cheek and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank!

(He holds up his razor case for the crowd to see)

You see these razors?

MRS. LOVETT ：
The finest in England.

TODD ：
(To PIRELLI)
I lay them against five pounds you are no match for me.
You hear me, sir?
Either accept my challenge or reveal yourself as a sham.

MRS. LOVETT ：
Bravo, bravo.

(The crowd laughs and cheers, obviously on TODD 's side.
Pirelli, as imposing as ever, holds up a hand for silence.
Slowly he swaggers toward TODD,
Takes the razor case, opens it and examines the razors carefully)

PIRELLI ：
(He speaks with a fairly obvious put-on foreign accent, barely concealing an Irish underlay)
Zees are indeed fine razors.
Instruments like zees once seen cannot be soon forgotten.

(Takes out a tooth-extractor)

And a fine extractor, too!
You wager zees against five pounds, sir?

TODD ：
I do.

PIRELLI ：
(Addressing the crowd)
You hear zis foolish man?
Watch and see
How he will regret his folly.
Five pounds it is!

(Music starts)

TODD ：
(Surveying the crowd)
Friends, neighbors,
Who's for a free shave?

1ST MAN ：
(Stepping forward eagerly)
Me, Mr. Todd, sir.

2ND MAN ：
(Stepping forward eagerly, too)
And me, Mr. Todd, sir.

TODD ：
Over here.
Bring me a chair.

PIRELLI ：
(To TOBIAS)
Boy, bring ze basins,
bring ze towels!

TOBIAS ：
Yes, sir...

PIRELLI ：
Quick!

(He kicks TOBIAS. The boy hurries off into the caravan)

TODD ：
Will beadle Bamford
Be the judge?

BEADLE ：
Glad, as always, to oblige
My friends and neighbors.

(As another man comes on with a wooden chair and TOBIAS emerges from the caravan with basins, towels, etc.
The BEADLE instantly takes over.
To man, indicating where to set the chair.)

Put it there.

(1ST man sits on TODD 's chair. The 2ND man is ensconced on Pirelli's chair.
Pirelli shakes out a fancy bib with a flourish and covers his man.
TODD takes a towel and tucks it around his man's neck)

Ready?

PIRELLI ：
Ready!

TODD ：
Ready!

BEADLE ：
The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner.

(He blows his whistle.
The music becomes agitated.
The contest begins.
Pirelli strops his razor quickly, TODD in a leisurely manner.
Pirelli keeps glancing at TODD in various paranoid ways throughout, frightened of Todd's progress.
He starts whipping up lather rapidly)

PIRELLI ：
(Sings to crowd while mixing, furiously)
Now, signorini, signori,
We mix-a da lather
But first-a you gather
Around, signorini, signori,
You looking a man
Who have had-a da glory
To shave-a da Pope!
Mr. Sweeney-so-smart--
(Sarcastic bow to TODD)
Oh, I beg-a you pardon-- 'll
Call me a lie,
Was-a only a cardinal--
Nope!
It was-a da Pope!

(Looks over shoulder, sees TODD still stropping slowly, gains confidence, starts to lather his man's face)

Perhaps, signorini, signori,
You like-a I tell-a da famous-a story
Of Queen Isabella,
Da Queen of-a Polan'
Whose toot' was-a swollen,
I pull it so nice from her mout'
That-a though to begin
She's-a screaming-a murder,
She's later-a swoon-a wid bliss
An' was heard-a to shout:
"Pull all of 'em out!"

(Unexpectedly, TODD still shows no sign of starting to shave his man.
He merely watches Pirelli 's performance.
Pirelli, now feeling that he can take his time, sings lyrically as he shaves with rhythmic scrapes and elaborate gestures of wiping the razor)

To shave-a da face,
To pull-a da toot',
Require da grace
And not-a da brute,
For if-a you slip,
You nick da skin,
You clip-a da chin,
You rip-a da lip a bit
And dat's-a da trut'!

(TODD strops his razor slowly and deliberately, disconcerting Pirelli and drawing the crowd's attention)

To shave-a da face
Or even a part
Widout it-a smart
Require da heart.
It take-a da art--
I show you a chart--

(Pulls down an elaborate chart with many anatomical views of the face and closeups of follicles, etc.)

I study-a starting in my yout'!

(TODD starts slowly mixing his lather)

To cut-a da hair,
To trim-a da beard,
To make-a da bristle
Clean like a whistle,
Dis is from early infancy
Da talent give to me
By God!
It take-a da skill,
It take-a da brains,
It take-a da will
To take-a da pains,
It take-a da pace,
It take-a da grace--

(While PIRELLI holds this note elaborately, TODD, with a few deft strokes, quickly lathers his man's face, shaves him and signals the BEADLE to examine the job)

BEADLE ：
(Blowing whistle)
The winner is Todd.

MRS. LOVETT ：
(Feeling the customer's cheek)
Smooth as a baby's arse!

(The crowd "oohs" and "ahhs")

TODD ：
(Looks around)
And now, who's for a tooth pulling?
Free without charge!

MAN WITH HEAD TIED UP IN RAG ：
Me, sir. Me, sir.

(He runs to the chair vacated by the shaved man)

TODD ：
(Looking around)
Who else?

(There is silence from the crowd)

No one?

(Turning to the BEADLE)

Then, sir, since there is no means to test the second skill, I claim the five pounds!

MRS. LOVETT ：
To which he is entitled!
(To crowd)
Right?

(The crowd applauds)

PIRELLI ：
Wait! One moment. Wait!
(He turns to TOBIAS)
You, boy. Get on that chair.

TOBIAS ：
(In terror)
Me, signor?
Oh, not a tooth, sir, I beg of you!
I ain't got a twinge-- not the tiniest pain.
I--

PIRELLI ：
(Giving him a stinging blow on the cheek)
You do now!
(Forces him into the chair.
Turning to the crowd)
We see who is zee victor now.
Zis Mister Todd--
Or zee great Pirelli!

BEADLE ：
Ready?

PIRELLI ：
Ready!

TODD ：
Ready!

(The BEADLE blows his whistle.
While TODD, even more nonchalant than before, merely stands by his patient,
Pirelli forces open the mouth of TOBIAS, brandishing his extractor.
He peers in, selects a tooth, thrusts the extractor into the mouth and starts to tug while singing with pretended ease.
During the song, TOBIAS starts moaning, then screaming--musically)

PIRELLI ：
(Sings)
To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da skill
Can damage da root--

(As TOBIAS squirms)

Now hold-a da still!
An' if-a you slip
You grip a bit,
You hit da pit of it
Or chip-a da dp
And have-a to fill!
To pull-a da toot'
Widout-a da grace,
You leave-a da space
All over da place.
You try to erase
Widout-a da trace...

(Glaring archly at TODD)

Sometimes is da case
You even-a kill.

(TODD still watches,
Pirelli is having trouble,
TOBIAS 's wails are becoming louder)

To hold-a da clamp
Widout-a da cramp,
Wid all dat saliva,
It could-a drive-a
You crazy--!

(To TOBIAS, who is groaning)

Don' mutter,
Or back-a you go to da gutter--

(To the crowd, forcing a smile)

My touch is as light
As a butter-
A cup!
I take-a da pains,
I learn-a da art,
I use-a da brains,
I give-a da heart,
I have-a da grace,
I win-a da race--!

(While again Pirelli holds the note, TODD stands watching.
Then in one swift move, he tugs the rag off his patient's head, neatly opens the mouth, looks in, and with a single deft motion of the extractor, gives a tiny tug and, turning to the crowd, holds up the extracted tooth.
The beadle blows his whistle.
The crowd roars its approval.
Pirelli, cut off again in the middle of his high note, sees that TODD has extracted his customer's tooth, and droops)

I give-a da up.

MAN ：
(Jumping up from chair)
Not a twinge of pain! Not a twinge!

MRS. LOVETT ：
The man's a bloody marvel!

BEADLE ：
(Beaming at TODD)
The two-dme winner--
Mr. Sweeney Todd!

(Pirelli leaves the tooth unpulled in TOBIAS's mouth and, still retaining his imposing dignity, moves over to TODD)

PIRELLI ：
(With profound bow)
Sir, I bow to a skill
Far defter than my own.

TODD ：
The five pounds.

PIRELLI ：
(Produces a rather flamboyant purse, and from it takes five pounds)
Here, sir.
And may the good Lord smile on you--
(With a sinister smile)
--until we meet again.
Come, boy.
(Bows to crowd)
Signori! Bellissime signorini!
Buon giorno! Buon giorno a tutti!

(Kicking TOBIAS ahead of him, he returns to the caravan which TOBIAS, like a horse, pulls off)

MRS. LOVETT ：
(To TODD)
Who'd have thought it, dear!
You pulled it off!

(The crowd clusters around TODD)

MAN WITH CAP ：
Oh, sir, Mr. Todd, sir, do you have an establishment of your own?

MRS. LOVETT ：
He certainly does.
Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor-- above my meat pie-shop on Fleet Street.

(The BEADLE strolls somewhat menacingly over to them.)

BEADLE ：
Mr. Todd... Strange, sir, but it seems your face is known to me.

MRS. LOVETT ：
(Concealing agitation)
Him?
That's a laugh him being my uncle's cousin and arrived from Birmingham yesterday.

TODD ：
(Very smooth)
But already, sir, I have heard beadle Bamford spoken of with great respect.

BEADLE ：
(Whatever dim suspicions he may have had allayed by the flattery)
Well, sir,
I try my best for my neighbors.

(to MRS. LOVETT)

Fleet Street?
Over your pie-shop, ma'am?

MRS. LOVETT ：
That's it, sir.

BEADLE ：
Then, Mr. Todd, you will surely see me there before the week is out.

TODD ：
(Expressionless)
You will be welcome, beadle Bamford, and I guarantee to give you, without a penny's charge, the closest shave you will ever know.

(MRS. LOVETT takes TODD 's arm and starts with him off-stage as the scene blacks out.
The factory whistle.
In limbo, the BEGGAR WOMAN appears with other members of the company.
They sing)

MEMBERS OF THE COMPANY ：
Sweeney pondered
And Sweeney planned.
Like a perfect machine 'e planned,
Barbing the hook,
Baiting the trap,
Setting it out for the beadle to snap.
Slyly courted 'im,
Sweeney did,
Set a sort of a scene, 'e did.
Laying the trail,
Showing the traces,
Letting it lead to higher places...
Sweeney...